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Learning to forgive



One thing about forgiveness that took me a long time to figure out is that forgiveness is NOT excusing or justifying the wrong doing. It is NOT minimizing the hurt feelings that were caused.

Matthew 6:12-15
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.


Forgiving is simply (or not so simply) choosing to let go of anger, resentment and hatred.

Forgiveness is a choice. It is a decision to no longer hold an act against the other person as a means of punishment. The other person almost always suffers in one way or another, whether it is from guilt or from the consequences of their actions.

But forgiveness is only a little about the other person and a lot about ourselves. Therefore, true forgiveness cannot be conditional. We can’t decide to forgive only if. Only if you apologize. Only if you say you’ll never do it again.

Research has shown that forgiveness is linked to mental health outcomes such as reduced anxiety. Most of us will never be faced with forgiving such a devastating offense as the murder of a loved one. Yet, nearly everyone can benefit from being more forgiving. Many people think of forgiveness as letting go or moving on. But there’s more to it than that… True forgiveness goes a step further! It’s offering something positive—empathy, compassion, understanding—toward the person who hurt you. That element makes forgiveness a virtue.

Continue reading Learning to forgive

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With a physical pain, there is an obvious link between the psychological experience of pain and an awareness of a physical location in the body. So, with this kind of logic, we can come back to the neural similarities between emotional and physical pain. If the similarity is not just in the brain but in the body, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask: Where does an emotional pain hurt?

It is true, when we  go through the experience of unmet needs; we endure some interesting patterns of behaviors. We should pay attention, and be an observant to the pattern of how we interact with family and friends which follows our disappointments. Stop and think of how essential it is to gain knowledge from knowing that illness can be emotionally based. We can learn from so many different sources how very important our emotions are. I would love to heal from emotional pain as I believe this is possible. Plus all the other illnesses. And, of course, there is mind over matter!!!


experiencing-pain-emotional-physicalRevelation 21:4

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Palm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.



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Is our neighbor more than the guy next door? Could he or she be someone in our community or almost anyone we meet? Could our enemies also be our neighbors? Jesus says that it’s so. But how can we love someone who acts hatefully toward us?

In Matthew 22:36-39, a lawyer challenges Jesus asking him, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?”

Jesus answers him saying, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (ESV).


How to love thy neighbor?

Finding the good, on purpose is how we train ourselves to “love thy neighbor“. When we hate, we fail to laugh, and we may get a bit obsessive. No matter how nebulous the definition of the emotion, humans can say that they hate each other. Make a cognizant decision to turn your mind to liking other people. Knowing what being supported feels like and how to support others close to you can help to make it easier to love and bond with others less close to you. Greet people with an upbeat persona. A strong hello or a smile makes a huge difference in a person’s day. And everyone wants that sense of recognition that comes through in your positive greetings.


Notice that loving our neighbor would include sharing with the poor and the alien; compassion and absolute honesty and justice in our relationships with others; impartiality; a refusal to be a party to gossip or slander; an absence of malice toward anyone and a refusal to bear a grudge; taking care never to put another life at risk and never taking private vengeance upon another. It is also interesting to note that when we have an issue with anyone, we should strive to make it right by going to him or her directly. James calls this the “royal law” (James 2:8). Our Lord taught that we should do to others as we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12).

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Your Vindictive Actions




having or showing a strong or unreasoning desire for revenge.


vengeful, revengeful, unforgiving, resentful, acrimonious, bitter; spiteful, mean, rancorous, venomous, malicious, malevolent, nasty, mean-spirited, cruel, unkind

Psalm 1:1-3:8

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; …

What is vindictive actions?

Vindictiveness can be very disguised. Even harsh blame is vindictiveness.

  1. Didn’t I tell you to do this properly?
  2. When will you learn to do better?
  3. Why are you like that all the time?

See? very easy to fall into vindictiveness mode. Sometimes, it is not even words. It is a look that you give a person or a sigh of disapproval, or a smirk on your face. All vindictive.

It’s easy to find things about pretty much everyone that annoy us (just as others can easily find faults in us). But most of us have far more good points than bad, and it’s not difficult to focus on these.

Unless of course you’re a vindictive person. There’s a fine line between harmless gossip and complaining, and a vindictive person is happy to cross it – they rarely have a good word to say about anyone. So if you ever come across someone who is happy, even gleeful, to hurt others, be careful. Don’t allow their language to enlighten your opinion, and watch what you say about others. The chances are that they’re saying just as spiteful things about you when your back is turned!


Psalm 69:4

More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me, those who attack me with lies. What I did not steal must I now restore?

Most vindictive individuals have four common characteristics:

They know how to detect your weaknesses.

Once found, they use your weaknesses against you.

Through their shrewd plotting, they convince you to give up something of yourself in order to serve their self-centered interests.

In work, social, and family situations, once a vindictive individual succeeds in taking advantage of you, he or she will likely repeat the violation until you put a stop to the exploitation.

How to avoid vindictive behavior?

How to protect yourself against vindictive people:

First, think carefully about your own behavior to see if you may have done or said something to cause the other party’s behavior.

If you can identify something that you did that likely offended the other party, if possible, offer a sincere apology. If he or she accepts your apology, things work out well for both parties. And, If your apology is not accepted, you can at least walk away with some peace of mind, knowing that you owned up to your behavior.

Now, If you cannot think of anything that you did that could have offended the other party, give him or her a silent treatment and walk away. Confronting the other party about unkind behavior is not likely to be fruitful. Remember the saying “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.” In other words, the other party’s unkind behavior is on him or her; he or she will reap natural consequences in due time.